Minus 10 Unspoken Compliments

Life is fleeting.

We know that. We really do. We've been told: "Time flies."
"Before you know it you're old and gray."
"I used to be young once. Then I woke up old."

We're reminded over and over - babies who don't wake up from a nap, a car accident on a bright, summer day, an earthquake no one knew was coming.

Life is fleeting.

When asked what one would do when faced with the news that they only had a certain amount of time left, the majority of people answered, "I would tell the people I love just how much they mean to me."

This week's challenge sounds easy... but many of you will feel uncomfortable, awkward. You'll make an excuse, you'll be too busy now and promise to do it later. If that's the case, I really hope you actually do it later. Because life is way too short to keep compliments secret.

Take out a piece of paper... one for each person living in your home. Your wife, husband, child... and write their name on top. Then list TEN things you like, enjoy or admire about that person. Ten reasons why you really dig them as a person. Ten things you want them to know in case you don't get a chance to see them again. And when you're done, tape that list to the wall in the most visible place in your house. Take their hand and show them the paper, and read the words you've written.

My TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU List to Matt

1.) I love the way you love that stupid, destructive dog - because you love that dog a lot and would never give up on it, and I know that you are that fiercely loyal (and more) towards me and our family.

2.) I love your loud, brazen laughter when you're watching television all by yourself. Someone who laughs out loud unabashedly is downright tops in my book!

3.) I love the way you gag and choke and almost vomit every single time you change the baby's diaper... because you keep doing it. You don't use "ew, it's gross" as an excuse. You do what needs to get done and that's an awesome quality in a person. I know I can count on you.

4.) I love that you're always willing and excited to go with me to silly things like the theatre, or an office get-together, or to dinner with a couple you've never met before. You're a social person and you like people, and I like that. Because you would not be much fun to be around if you didn't like people.

5.) I love how you giggle and get goofy when you're extremely overtired. We've been exhausted for a while now and it's really refreshing that you manage to have fun with it. I admire your sense of humor when things get tough.

6.) I love how excited you are when you ref a game or play a pick-up game with your friends. You're physically active and have a passion for playing a sport - neither of which I do (at all). I respect that those activities are important to you and you won't let life get in the way of doing what you love. I am still so proud of you for organizing the Sunday Night Games.

7.) I love how you get out of bed fearless at three in the morning to find out what the dog is barking at. You are always ready to confront whatever is out there to protect me and our family and that means the world to me (even that time you came across strangers shining flashlights in our windows).

8.) I love how you tell me everything I cook is wonderful even though, clearly, it is not. You know how well positive reinforcement works on me... I'm still trying!

9.) I love how you worry more about the baby than I do. And that's saying a lot because everyone who knows me knows what a freak I am about child safety. You show me that you really take your child's health seriously. You are the strongest, loudest, most determined advocate for our son and I am so relieved I can lean on you for strength.

10.) I love your smile. Your easy going, life is so good, isn't this a great song on the radio even thought I don't know any of the words, smile. Just being around you, with you, near you - is always enjoyable and relaxing. Thank you.

Minus 10 Toxic Connections

Ah, the joys of modern technology! Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Blogging - with the click of a button you're instantaneously invited to view the thoughts and snapshots of someone you know. Or someone you don't. Let's be honest, we've all written the "how do I know this person?" email to someone we actually did know in an attempt to jog a memory that would explain why someone we didn't know wants to be our friend.

There's a sense of anticipation when I sign on every morning: who's witty commentary will make me laugh? Who is having a worse day than me and needs my virtual hug? Who will have a tip or piece of advice that I didn't know I needed to hear? Who will need advice that I could possibly give? For the most part, I absolutely love my web-friends and inter-buddies. But then there are others.....

• The guy who constantly updates his status with comments about sex and bondage.
• The girl that cusses way more than me (and trust me when I say that is a lot).
• The girl who treated me like crap when we were kids and yet for some reason wanted to be my friend, even though it's been two years and she has yet to comment on anything on my page.
• The friend of a friend of a friend that I met boating one weekend in 2007.
• The ex-boyfriend and his perfectly perky little wife and super smart children in their private school uniforms standing in front of their lake front property. Did I mention they live in Tahoe?
• The kid that sat with you in study hall and now invites you to have pillow fights, mafia wars and to attend wizard school.
• The girl that whines and complains and is all "woe is me" except really you know she's just needy and demanding attention.

If every time you see their name pop up you feel jealous, insecure, angry, annoyed or icky, it's time to let them go. Think of all the valuable time you're wasting with these feelings. It might only be a fleeting moment - but it was there and it all adds up over time. It was a negative feeling that really wasn't necessary. So why keep putting yourself in the path of it?
This week's challenge is to remove 10 toxic connections, be it from your cell phone, your email contact list, Facebook or MySpace account, or even your handwritten address book. (Do you really need your ex-boyfriend's step mother's mailing address? You haven't spoken to the woman in over twelve years.) Let go of some of these connections to make room for future, more meaningful connections.

Minus 10 I'm Too Busy For You Minutes

Remember when you first met? The butterflies you felt when he first put his hand on your lower back while ushering you through the door of the restaurant? The way you'd grab his hand in the car. In the store. On the couch. There was a time when you thought you'd never let go of his hand.

Remember when you first held your baby? Marveling at that little squished up face and teeny, tiny fingers. You never wanted to share. There was a time when you swore you'd never put that baby down. Ever.

And now? When was the last time you held hands in the car? Lay on his lap while watching a movie? When was the last time you held your baby (who is not so much of a baby anymore)? Marveled at how beautifully and wonderfully she is made?

Your challenge this week is to set the timer for 10 minutes each night and hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle, touch - someone you love. Tonight it can be your spouse. Tomorrow your eight-year old. The point is to focus for ten full minutes on TOUCHING THEM. Walk arm in arm. Watch SpongeBob with your arm around your son's shoulder. Reconnect with the people you care about.

If you're one of those couples that readily holds hands and hugs, don't be afraid to turn it up a notch (or two). Instead of hopping out of the car right away, sit in the driveway and make out. (Giggle if you want, but you used to do that a lot! And you did it to show him you thought the world of him.)

If you already hug your child on a regular basis try changing it up a bit: offer to read their palms... trace their hand in yours. What do you see? Ignore the dirt under the fingernails and the sweat -- here's a chance to be funny: "I see you have difficulty placing dirty laundry in clothes baskets." or hopeful: "I see that you are full of potential and will be successful in whatever you put your heart into."

Studies show people thrive socially, academically and cognitively when they receive adequate amounts of nurturing touch in their daily lives. Without an appropriate amount of nurturing touch, people report feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and lack of confidence.

Each day this week, resolve to get rid of 10 I’m Too Busy For You Minutes and replace them with 10 You Mean Everything to Me Minutes. Even if you wouldn’t define yourself as the “touchy feely type,” find a few moments each evening to reconnect with your spouse and children through touch. (Make all the excuses you want, but I bet you were touchy-feely enough to make a child!)

What are you waiting for? The laundry will be there when you get back…

Minus 10 Unworn Articles of Clothing

So how's that junk drawer looking? Do you find yourself stopping by to open the drawer just to admire the (finally) clutter free zone? Did you make some real changes? Was it as bad as you thought - dealing with it all?

Well, since we believe in Newton's Law of Inertia (an object in motion stays in motion...) let's keep on moving and work our way down the hall to the bedroom. Closet, that is.

Oh, you know they're in there. Deny all you want, but we both know they're there. Why on earth are you still hanging on to that pastel striped sweater you wore in 1989? The socks with the holes in the heel? Why? And do not get me started on that underwear. Puh-lease! If you'd turn seven shades of scarlet upon their public discovery it is time to toss them out. Yes, it's that simple. Burn them if you have to, but for goodness sake, stop hanging on to the things that do nothing to add to your self esteem.

Still coming up with excuses to hang on to them? Let me guess... Your grandpa bought you that sweater when you were fourteen. The socks were the first actual grown-up corporate trouser sock you bought for your first actual grown-up job. And the underwear is for those "I'm so bloated don't even look at me" days. Look, I know sexy lace isn't raging-hormone compatible, but could you maybe upgrade to something that doesn't look like the dog used it as a teething blanket?

Your challenge this week is simple: Get rid of 10 items in your closet that you don't wear. If you're unsure of what those items might be, try these simple tests:

- Put the questionable article of clothing on. Call an old friend from high school you haven't seen in years. Meet them for coffee wearing said article of clothing. If you can't (or won't) do it - that article of clothing has got to go.

- Imagine wearing said questionable article of clothing when you bump into your old college boyfriend (you know, the one who dumped you the night before his fraternity formal for that bimbo who was known around campus as the Belly Shot Babe).  If your immediate reaction is flinging yourself into the path of a moving vehicle while fighting back vomit - that article of clothing has got to go.

- If an item has not ventured off the hanger or experienced the luxury of being unfolded at least once in the past five years - that article of clothing has got to go.

It's okay to let go of these things in your closet. In fact, we need to let go of the things that are no longer beneficial to us. Maybe you loved the way you felt the first time you wore that power suit, impressing the hell out of your boss and his coleagues at that monthly budget meeting. That feeling won't go away if you get rid of the outfit. If you must, take a photo of it before passing it on to someone you know will feel the same way when they put it on. This way you'll have a reminder, but it won't be in the form of hanging from the very last hanger on the far right side of your closet. (There's a reason why it's on the very last hanger.)

You cannot honestly take stock of what you own of worth and value if it's surrounded by torn socks, pants you'll never wear in public again, and a sweater that is so stretched out and mishapen it could double as a sleeping bag.

So what did you get rid of? Are you brave enough to post? With an accompanying photo?

Minus 10 Clutter Filled Minutes

The First Challenge.

Go to your junk drawer. It might be a drawer in the kitchen, or a cabinet, or a spot in your bedroom. Wherever it is, go to it.

Now open it. Keep it open. And look at it. Really look at it. Take it all in.

How did it get like this?

On the surface it's just a drawer that masks its contents just like every other drawer in the room. The reality is this is a place where you shove all the things you don't want to deal with. If you don't know where something goes, you throw it in there. Or if you don't feel like dealing with something you toss it in, go about your business, and try to forget that it's there. Waiting. Waiting for you to deal with it.

In my junk drawer I tend to house a lot of manuals and printed directions for items I've purchased. There's nothing stopping me from creating a file for manuals, except for the fact that I would have to walk downstairs, pull out an empty folder and write "MANUALS" on it. Hey, that may not sound like a lot, but that's huge. (Especially for someone who's inherently lazy. I've got to walk down the stairs, people. And come back up!)

The other thing that tends to accumulate in my junk drawer is tools, nails, screws, pliers... really anything that was removed from the toolbox. The motivation to get the tools is easy... hang a new picture, fix a leaky faucet; the motivation to return the items is nonexistant. This tells me the toolbox is in the wrong spot. I keep it in the garage, which is obviously way too far away for me to put anything back into it.

My junk drawer has taught me something: the problem isn't the drawer. It's not even the tools or manuals that accumulate inside. The problem is that the location of the toolbox and the files simply does not work for me. The long term solution isn't going to be cleaning the drawer, it's going to be to honestly figure out why things get dumped inside. Nothing really stops me from moving the toolbox into the closet, or in the pantry, or to a place other than the one that currently doesn't work. Perhaps no one else I know keeps their toolbox in their food pantry, but that might be the place that works best for me. And that is okay. It just needs to be properly addressed. This challenge will force me to address the changes necessary to de-clutter a portion of my home. Not just take the time to finally put something back; but to really implement the changes necessary to ensure I am doing the best thing for me.

Our lives can get like this: cluttered. We tend to shove things we don't want to deal with into a deep dark spot: an insensitive in-law, a destructive dog, an ex with an attitude - and shut the door. If we were honest with ourselves we would admit that we walk by this spot multiple times a day and just pretend it doesn't exist, until that one day when we explode over it, cursing the mess created. Just like our junk drawer in our homes, the places in our selves that collect clutter do nothing to promote balance, ease, and clarity.

Today I challange you to tackle that junk drawer for just ten minutes. Set the timer and deal with it. Bring the hammer back to the tool box and then put the tool box in a place that makes sense to you to get the tools in and out of. Put the manuals in a file that's kept upstairs instead of in the basement. Whatever you get done in ten minutes is enough for today, as long as you're honestly working towards dealing with the actual problem once and for all.

Minus 10 minutes of clutter filled time... replace it with 10 minutes of clarity.