If you're like most people you have several Circles of Friends. There are the co-workers you attend Happy Hour with, sarcastically toasting your company with each round of drinks. There are the school friends - both the high school group and the college group. There are the friends you exercise with. The friends from church. And the friends who share your same hobbies. (In my world I call them Theatre Friends, and they are some of the best people I have ever met in my life!)
And, if you're like most people, the Circles never seem to co-mingle. They kind of stand alone while you hop in and out, from one circle to the next.
So safe, isn't it? Every person in each group knows each other. Knows their quirks and personalities. Knows what to expect. Safe. Yes.
Why not shake things up a bit? Life is too short not to meet as many people as you can! This challenge will help with that...
This week's challenge is to Minus 10 Unintroduced Friends. Simply put, you will invite ten people who don't know each other to an event that you're going to host. Invite ten people from your different circles to a dinner party. Or a potluck. Or to soup and wine night. Ask half the people to bring a bottle of wine, the other half to bring a pot of soup. What about a cookout? Beer and Bags and Barbeque!
I was invited to a get together once where the only person I knew was the hostess. I was uncomfortable for the first glass of wine. I was convinced everyone knew each other. As I sat and listened I heard introduction after introduction. These ladies had never met! That realization made me feel instantly at ease. I had a terrific time that evening and gained some really wonderful friends. I will always be forever grateful to the hostess who didn't care to keep her Circles separate.
What event will you host? Send me a message to let me know how it turned out!
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Minus 10 Automatic Negative Attribute Opinions
"I'm not going if Cheryl is there - she's rude and judgmental. You should hear the inappropriate things she says; everyone leaves feeling like crap."
"I can't believe I'm scheduled to work with Trisha. She's so annoying! Can't she find something to talk about other than that dog of hers? I swear she thinks it's human."
"I'm assuming there will be drinking involved. I don't think Bob can function without a drink in his hand."
We all jump to conclusions about people before we get to know them, but what happens after you've gotten to know them and you really aren't all that thrilled about them? What happens when that thing we don't like about a person keeps growing and growing until we're at the point we rush down a different aisle in the grocery store in the hopes of avoiding them?
Before we know it, the only thing we see in that person is what we dislike, with little to no room for anything positive. The truth is, we are all made up of both good and bad. Sometimes we just need help focusing on the positive (before our mind is consumed with the negative).
Look, thinking about someone in a positive light is not going to change them. The guy who drinks a ton, all the time, and ends up being the stumbling, rambling fool at every get-together will probably remain that way. The change will be in you. Instead of focusing on his shortcomings you'll be able to take a deep breath and say, "He is someone who will come dig your car out of a snow ditch no matter where you are in the county, no matter what time of day. He is good for that." (Which is much better than the alternative, "what an idiot. Always drinking and being obnoxious. Can't he get his act together?")
The challenge this week is to Minus 10 Automatic Negative Attribute Opinions you have about people you know and replace them with ten positive ones. And, you're right, it might not be easy.
I have a person in my life who is anything but kind towards me. I have been hurt by her nasty commentary too many times to count. When her name comes up I honestly feel a physical change in my body - in the blink of an eye I get angry. My mind screams, "The things she's said to me! To my children! She's petty and rude and inappropriate and hurtful and I don't deserve to be treated like that!" I honestly avoid her at all costs. She's just a mean person and it is not required that I continue to be hurt by her. But she's not entirely evil. There are positive things in her. For instance, when she goes on vacation she always thinks about her children. They are all grown, yet she still gets each one of them a gift from where ever it was she visited. She's very giving in that respect. I don't believe she'll ever change. She hurts others as much as she hurts me. But I must train my mind to see that singular grain of positivity within her, otherwise I'll be forever weighted down by the negative bulkiness of that person's personality.
I have tried to befriend another person who all I see is criticalness and anger. Every conversation, no matter how lighthearted, turns to a bitter monologue spewed from her lips. She drags the fun level down. Actually shoves it down, and stamps on it. And then spits on it. To say she is "not a happy person" is a complete understatement. Honestly, my life is too short to be spent listening to all that depressing negativity. I tried to be friends and I just can't. It wears me out. But she's not entirely bad either. She takes wonderful, beautiful photographs. She really has a gift when it comes to that. So, the next time her name comes up, instead of a curt, "oh, yes, I know her." I'll change my automatic response to "Oh, yes - she takes beautiful photographs!"
We do become captive of our own thoughts and ideas about any given situation. While we can't change the behavior of others, we can ensure our responses, even our private thoughts... are positive ones.
"I can't believe I'm scheduled to work with Trisha. She's so annoying! Can't she find something to talk about other than that dog of hers? I swear she thinks it's human."
"I'm assuming there will be drinking involved. I don't think Bob can function without a drink in his hand."
We all jump to conclusions about people before we get to know them, but what happens after you've gotten to know them and you really aren't all that thrilled about them? What happens when that thing we don't like about a person keeps growing and growing until we're at the point we rush down a different aisle in the grocery store in the hopes of avoiding them?
Before we know it, the only thing we see in that person is what we dislike, with little to no room for anything positive. The truth is, we are all made up of both good and bad. Sometimes we just need help focusing on the positive (before our mind is consumed with the negative).
Look, thinking about someone in a positive light is not going to change them. The guy who drinks a ton, all the time, and ends up being the stumbling, rambling fool at every get-together will probably remain that way. The change will be in you. Instead of focusing on his shortcomings you'll be able to take a deep breath and say, "He is someone who will come dig your car out of a snow ditch no matter where you are in the county, no matter what time of day. He is good for that." (Which is much better than the alternative, "what an idiot. Always drinking and being obnoxious. Can't he get his act together?")
The challenge this week is to Minus 10 Automatic Negative Attribute Opinions you have about people you know and replace them with ten positive ones. And, you're right, it might not be easy.
I have a person in my life who is anything but kind towards me. I have been hurt by her nasty commentary too many times to count. When her name comes up I honestly feel a physical change in my body - in the blink of an eye I get angry. My mind screams, "The things she's said to me! To my children! She's petty and rude and inappropriate and hurtful and I don't deserve to be treated like that!" I honestly avoid her at all costs. She's just a mean person and it is not required that I continue to be hurt by her. But she's not entirely evil. There are positive things in her. For instance, when she goes on vacation she always thinks about her children. They are all grown, yet she still gets each one of them a gift from where ever it was she visited. She's very giving in that respect. I don't believe she'll ever change. She hurts others as much as she hurts me. But I must train my mind to see that singular grain of positivity within her, otherwise I'll be forever weighted down by the negative bulkiness of that person's personality.
I have tried to befriend another person who all I see is criticalness and anger. Every conversation, no matter how lighthearted, turns to a bitter monologue spewed from her lips. She drags the fun level down. Actually shoves it down, and stamps on it. And then spits on it. To say she is "not a happy person" is a complete understatement. Honestly, my life is too short to be spent listening to all that depressing negativity. I tried to be friends and I just can't. It wears me out. But she's not entirely bad either. She takes wonderful, beautiful photographs. She really has a gift when it comes to that. So, the next time her name comes up, instead of a curt, "oh, yes, I know her." I'll change my automatic response to "Oh, yes - she takes beautiful photographs!"
We do become captive of our own thoughts and ideas about any given situation. While we can't change the behavior of others, we can ensure our responses, even our private thoughts... are positive ones.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Minus 10 Must-Pay-For-It Experiences
Somewhere along the line I've taught my children that "fun" can only be achieved if you pay for it. I believe it stems from the many times they've pleaded "can't we do something fun today?" And I've answered, "Sorry, but I don't have any money." Whatever we end up doing (at no cost) obviously isn't any fun because it wasn't paid for.
When I think of things that are fun to do I automatically think of going to the movies, or the zoo, or a play, or a restaurant. (See, all things that you pay for.) Then I immediately think of all the bills that need to be paid. And so, more times than I care to admit to - we end up moping around the house, clicking through the plethora of cable stations, finding, yet again, nothing to watch.
But there's so much to experience in life that doesn't cost money. And, yes - it can be FUN! This challenge encourages you to Minus 10 Must-Pay-For-It Experiences and come up with a list of ten free things you and your family can try. What's to lose? It's not costing you anything.
Contact your local municipality - do they have free concerts in the park? Free gardening classes? Free self-defense classes?
Check with your local school districts, many have free cultural fairs, orchestra concerts, elementary school plays.
Investigate your neighborhood. Maybe there are walking trails nearby that you've never been on. Or an arboretum waiting in full bloom to be discovered. Perhaps there is a bike path you've heard of that you'd like to try.
What about going for a walk around the neighborhood? Going on a picnic? Creating your own scavenger hunt? (One friend of mine took her toddler out for a color scavenger hunt. They walked around finding items of a certain color, took digital photos of them, then printed out their own 'Color Book' at home.)
Make a list of 10 things you can do for free and make it a point to go. What Free Fun for your family did you come up with?
Life should not be about the amount of money we throw at an activity. Teach your kids (and yourself) that there is plenty to experience and appreciate without spending any money.
When I think of things that are fun to do I automatically think of going to the movies, or the zoo, or a play, or a restaurant. (See, all things that you pay for.) Then I immediately think of all the bills that need to be paid. And so, more times than I care to admit to - we end up moping around the house, clicking through the plethora of cable stations, finding, yet again, nothing to watch.
But there's so much to experience in life that doesn't cost money. And, yes - it can be FUN! This challenge encourages you to Minus 10 Must-Pay-For-It Experiences and come up with a list of ten free things you and your family can try. What's to lose? It's not costing you anything.
Contact your local municipality - do they have free concerts in the park? Free gardening classes? Free self-defense classes?
Check with your local school districts, many have free cultural fairs, orchestra concerts, elementary school plays.
Investigate your neighborhood. Maybe there are walking trails nearby that you've never been on. Or an arboretum waiting in full bloom to be discovered. Perhaps there is a bike path you've heard of that you'd like to try.
What about going for a walk around the neighborhood? Going on a picnic? Creating your own scavenger hunt? (One friend of mine took her toddler out for a color scavenger hunt. They walked around finding items of a certain color, took digital photos of them, then printed out their own 'Color Book' at home.)
Make a list of 10 things you can do for free and make it a point to go. What Free Fun for your family did you come up with?
Life should not be about the amount of money we throw at an activity. Teach your kids (and yourself) that there is plenty to experience and appreciate without spending any money.
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