Two things:
1.) I need to exercise my body more.
2.) I need to exercise my patience more.
I believe this can be accomplished in a parking lot.
Like a scene from an old western, I watched as the driver of the car opposite me squinted his eyes, gripped his fingers around his steering wheel, and slammed the gas pedal so hard smoke and squeals could be seen and heard miles away. All so he could fly into the parking space I had been patiently waiting for. (The nerve.)
I admit, it got under my skin. Isn't there proper parking lot protocol that says, "He who waits gets the space?" And that's when I realized I was getting upset because someone obviously really, really, really needed this space more than I did. Maybe he had a good reason. Maybe he didn't.
Perhaps there had been times when proper parking lot protocol had been followed and I got the prime spot... causing an elderly man to walk further than he should have to. Or a mother to have to guide her three toddlers through a maze of holiday parking hell longer than she would like to. Or a student getting over a sprained ankle wishing he could drive right up to the pharmacy counter for his pain medication rather than walk this far through an icy lot.
And what's so wrong with walking anyway? It makes your body move. It allows you to breathe in fresh air. It gives you a second to just walk, perhaps thinking nothing at all.
The challenge this week is "Minus 10 Prime Parking Spaces." Consciously decide to give up the 10 best parking spaces for someone else to use. Pass by 10 empty spaces in one aisle and walk to the store. Give your mind a break and allow your legs to work. Avoid the gunfighter drama and just drive by. Take ten deep breaths on your way in to the store, and another ten on the way back to your car. Trust me, it'll be worth it.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
Minus 10 Negative Thoughts About YOUR Life
Let's see...
I need to lose weight. My teeth could be whiter. I don't have all my debt paid off yet. My car needs a new radiator tank. I'm not even sure why. I drink too much soda and don't have nearly enough energy to get through my day; don't get me started on my job - we'll be here all night. My kids are whiney, my dog is destructive and my eyesight is failing. I'm going to need a stronger prescription soon.
What? Not enjoying my company? I'm happy. Really. I appreciate life. I do. Don't I?
Sometimes we find ourselves tangled in a web of negativity. Have you ever watched someone after walking through a spider web? Arms and legs flailing, spitting out imagined grossness. It's hard to be happy, enjoying life when wrestling with all the things wrong with it.
Sometimes the things we feel are wrong with our lives are loud, relentless. Much like that kid poking his mother: "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. I need to talk to you. Mom. Mom." You can try to explain that you'll gladly be with him in a minute but he just doesn't give up, following you from room to room until finally you give in. And he wins. And you're exhausted and all you want to do is sit there and cry because no matter what you do nothing is right.
The trick is to try to pay more attention to what's right in your life than what's wrong.
Your challenge this week is to get rid of 10 complaints and replace them with 10 positive statements about what you appreciate in your life. Do this every single day. 10 good things each and every day. Written down on a piece of paper. Kept in a place you can see them. Taped on the bathroom mirror. Or refrigerator door. Or on the steering wheel in your car. Anywhere that you will see them and be reminded of how many good things you get to experience in life.
It might be hard at first. You may find yourself writing down, "I can breathe on my own." But, trust me. That really is AWESOME that you can breathe on your own. If you don't believe me, talk to someone on a medical ventilator. I'm almost positive they'd agree with me.
1.) Reading a good book that leaves me slightly exhausted at the end because I've lived several lives while reading it.
2.) Waking up to the smell of freshly cut grass.
3.) The sounds of toads croaking in the distance during a lightning storm.
4.) Finding forgotten money in the pocket of a coat I haven't worn in months.
5.) Hearing a great song on the radio just after I thought it would be absolutely impossible for another great song to be recorded.
6.) The sound of a cello.
7.) Laughing out loud unexpectedly.
8.) The sound of those little round air vents inside an airplane.
9.) Really crisp bed sheets.
10.) Finding a great pen to write with, especially if it's heavy.
I need to lose weight. My teeth could be whiter. I don't have all my debt paid off yet. My car needs a new radiator tank. I'm not even sure why. I drink too much soda and don't have nearly enough energy to get through my day; don't get me started on my job - we'll be here all night. My kids are whiney, my dog is destructive and my eyesight is failing. I'm going to need a stronger prescription soon.
What? Not enjoying my company? I'm happy. Really. I appreciate life. I do. Don't I?
Sometimes we find ourselves tangled in a web of negativity. Have you ever watched someone after walking through a spider web? Arms and legs flailing, spitting out imagined grossness. It's hard to be happy, enjoying life when wrestling with all the things wrong with it.
Sometimes the things we feel are wrong with our lives are loud, relentless. Much like that kid poking his mother: "Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. I need to talk to you. Mom. Mom." You can try to explain that you'll gladly be with him in a minute but he just doesn't give up, following you from room to room until finally you give in. And he wins. And you're exhausted and all you want to do is sit there and cry because no matter what you do nothing is right.
The trick is to try to pay more attention to what's right in your life than what's wrong.
Your challenge this week is to get rid of 10 complaints and replace them with 10 positive statements about what you appreciate in your life. Do this every single day. 10 good things each and every day. Written down on a piece of paper. Kept in a place you can see them. Taped on the bathroom mirror. Or refrigerator door. Or on the steering wheel in your car. Anywhere that you will see them and be reminded of how many good things you get to experience in life.
It might be hard at first. You may find yourself writing down, "I can breathe on my own." But, trust me. That really is AWESOME that you can breathe on your own. If you don't believe me, talk to someone on a medical ventilator. I'm almost positive they'd agree with me.
10 THINGS I LOVE ABOUT MY LIFE
Day 1
1.) Reading a good book that leaves me slightly exhausted at the end because I've lived several lives while reading it.
2.) Waking up to the smell of freshly cut grass.
3.) The sounds of toads croaking in the distance during a lightning storm.
4.) Finding forgotten money in the pocket of a coat I haven't worn in months.
5.) Hearing a great song on the radio just after I thought it would be absolutely impossible for another great song to be recorded.
6.) The sound of a cello.
7.) Laughing out loud unexpectedly.
8.) The sound of those little round air vents inside an airplane.
9.) Really crisp bed sheets.
10.) Finding a great pen to write with, especially if it's heavy.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Minus 10 Tech Filled Evenings
The cell phone bill came the other day. No big surprise - I've got everything "unlimited" so it's pretty much the same fee every month. But this time I looked at the detail.
My fourteen year old daughter made 5,547 text messages this past month. That's about 185 text messages per day. That, my friends, is way too many.
I quickly reviewed my usage: 298 texts (not bad), but, based on my call usage, the actual amount of time I spent talking was probably the reason why the text messages were so low. I thought about when I use my cell phone... mostly in the car, coming and going, dropping kids off here and there. And it hit me: here I am in a car with my children and I'm talking to someone else. As if they weren't all that important to me. Which reminded me of how I feel when I snuggle up close to Matt to watch a movie on TV and his phone rings. And he answers it. And he talks to someone else about some unimportant-to-me college basketball game. And I feel unimportant-to-him.
Here we are, surrounded by people we can interact with - that we should interact with - and yet we're on some sort of quest to find a voice on the other end of that cell phone or tapping on a keyboard hoping for a thrilling IM conversation to fill the time.
The challenge this month will be this: 10 Tech Free Evenings. Unplug the cell phone. Turn off the computer. Vow not to text, type or talk to anyone not physically in the same space as you. Got a quick question for your sister asking what church she reccomends with excellent youth ministry programs? Write a quick note to call and ask tomorrow. Suddenly remember the adorable to-do list your youngest wrote and how she included "tell grandma I love her" -- make a note to call grandma after you drop the kids off at school.
Get to learn the people in your home again. Be an example to your children about how to hold a conversation. How to listen. How to make someone you care about feel important. When your spouse is talking to you and your phone rings, hit ignore and say, "I'd rather keep talking with you."
My fourteen year old daughter made 5,547 text messages this past month. That's about 185 text messages per day. That, my friends, is way too many.
I quickly reviewed my usage: 298 texts (not bad), but, based on my call usage, the actual amount of time I spent talking was probably the reason why the text messages were so low. I thought about when I use my cell phone... mostly in the car, coming and going, dropping kids off here and there. And it hit me: here I am in a car with my children and I'm talking to someone else. As if they weren't all that important to me. Which reminded me of how I feel when I snuggle up close to Matt to watch a movie on TV and his phone rings. And he answers it. And he talks to someone else about some unimportant-to-me college basketball game. And I feel unimportant-to-him.
Here we are, surrounded by people we can interact with - that we should interact with - and yet we're on some sort of quest to find a voice on the other end of that cell phone or tapping on a keyboard hoping for a thrilling IM conversation to fill the time.
The challenge this month will be this: 10 Tech Free Evenings. Unplug the cell phone. Turn off the computer. Vow not to text, type or talk to anyone not physically in the same space as you. Got a quick question for your sister asking what church she reccomends with excellent youth ministry programs? Write a quick note to call and ask tomorrow. Suddenly remember the adorable to-do list your youngest wrote and how she included "tell grandma I love her" -- make a note to call grandma after you drop the kids off at school.
Get to learn the people in your home again. Be an example to your children about how to hold a conversation. How to listen. How to make someone you care about feel important. When your spouse is talking to you and your phone rings, hit ignore and say, "I'd rather keep talking with you."
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Minus 10 Blank Walk-bys.
I’ve become quite automatic in regards to my day. I wake up, shower, dress, head out the door at the same time every morning. I get to work, grab my morning dose of caffeine and settle in for the day. I answer the phone the same way every time it rings. People come in, drop off papers, I take them; stamp the received date on the top. I go home on the same roads I’ve driven that morning.
I claim I don’t “see anyone.” Ever. Today, no less than five people have stopped in and I couldn’t tell you what they were wearing or how they wore their hair. I stopped at a drive-through for lunch. I remember handing over money, but I couldn’t tell you what the person looked like that took my money. More than likely they were wearing a name tag. I didn’t bother to look at it.
We’re always in such a rush. Get in the store. Get out of the store. Pick up the bread. Drop off the water bill. I’m not exactly sure I even know what I’m rushing for. To get done fast. To cross things off my list. To have more time. I’m with a thousand other people rushing around me, only I never take the time to see them.
This week’s challenge is to reduce those blank if-I-stare-straight-ahead-then-I-don't-see-you-and-I-can-continue-on-my-way walk-by's we're so used to. Instead of rushing past, it is your goal this week to see if you can purposefully make eye contact, smile, and say hello to TEN complete strangers. Instead of holding the door and silently whisking by seconds later, hold the door and say, “Good Afternoon” or “Don’t worry, I’ve got that for you,” while you smile and look them in the eye.
Does it change how you see the people rushing by? Do you think it changes their attitude? Does it change yours? How many positive responses did you get? And were there any negative? How did you feel when you walked away? Did you walk any slower?
I claim I don’t “see anyone.” Ever. Today, no less than five people have stopped in and I couldn’t tell you what they were wearing or how they wore their hair. I stopped at a drive-through for lunch. I remember handing over money, but I couldn’t tell you what the person looked like that took my money. More than likely they were wearing a name tag. I didn’t bother to look at it.
We’re always in such a rush. Get in the store. Get out of the store. Pick up the bread. Drop off the water bill. I’m not exactly sure I even know what I’m rushing for. To get done fast. To cross things off my list. To have more time. I’m with a thousand other people rushing around me, only I never take the time to see them.
This week’s challenge is to reduce those blank if-I-stare-straight-ahead-then-I-don't-see-you-and-I-can-continue-on-my-way walk-by's we're so used to. Instead of rushing past, it is your goal this week to see if you can purposefully make eye contact, smile, and say hello to TEN complete strangers. Instead of holding the door and silently whisking by seconds later, hold the door and say, “Good Afternoon” or “Don’t worry, I’ve got that for you,” while you smile and look them in the eye.
Does it change how you see the people rushing by? Do you think it changes their attitude? Does it change yours? How many positive responses did you get? And were there any negative? How did you feel when you walked away? Did you walk any slower?
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Minus 10 Unspoken Compliments
Life is fleeting.
We know that. We really do. We've been told: "Time flies."
"Before you know it you're old and gray."
"I used to be young once. Then I woke up old."
We're reminded over and over - babies who don't wake up from a nap, a car accident on a bright, summer day, an earthquake no one knew was coming.
Life is fleeting.
When asked what one would do when faced with the news that they only had a certain amount of time left, the majority of people answered, "I would tell the people I love just how much they mean to me."
This week's challenge sounds easy... but many of you will feel uncomfortable, awkward. You'll make an excuse, you'll be too busy now and promise to do it later. If that's the case, I really hope you actually do it later. Because life is way too short to keep compliments secret.
Take out a piece of paper... one for each person living in your home. Your wife, husband, child... and write their name on top. Then list TEN things you like, enjoy or admire about that person. Ten reasons why you really dig them as a person. Ten things you want them to know in case you don't get a chance to see them again. And when you're done, tape that list to the wall in the most visible place in your house. Take their hand and show them the paper, and read the words you've written.
1.) I love the way you love that stupid, destructive dog - because you love that dog a lot and would never give up on it, and I know that you are that fiercely loyal (and more) towards me and our family.
2.) I love your loud, brazen laughter when you're watching television all by yourself. Someone who laughs out loud unabashedly is downright tops in my book!
3.) I love the way you gag and choke and almost vomit every single time you change the baby's diaper... because you keep doing it. You don't use "ew, it's gross" as an excuse. You do what needs to get done and that's an awesome quality in a person. I know I can count on you.
4.) I love that you're always willing and excited to go with me to silly things like the theatre, or an office get-together, or to dinner with a couple you've never met before. You're a social person and you like people, and I like that. Because you would not be much fun to be around if you didn't like people.
5.) I love how you giggle and get goofy when you're extremely overtired. We've been exhausted for a while now and it's really refreshing that you manage to have fun with it. I admire your sense of humor when things get tough.
6.) I love how excited you are when you ref a game or play a pick-up game with your friends. You're physically active and have a passion for playing a sport - neither of which I do (at all). I respect that those activities are important to you and you won't let life get in the way of doing what you love. I am still so proud of you for organizing the Sunday Night Games.
7.) I love how you get out of bed fearless at three in the morning to find out what the dog is barking at. You are always ready to confront whatever is out there to protect me and our family and that means the world to me (even that time you came across strangers shining flashlights in our windows).
8.) I love how you tell me everything I cook is wonderful even though, clearly, it is not. You know how well positive reinforcement works on me... I'm still trying!
9.) I love how you worry more about the baby than I do. And that's saying a lot because everyone who knows me knows what a freak I am about child safety. You show me that you really take your child's health seriously. You are the strongest, loudest, most determined advocate for our son and I am so relieved I can lean on you for strength.
10.) I love your smile. Your easy going, life is so good, isn't this a great song on the radio even thought I don't know any of the words, smile. Just being around you, with you, near you - is always enjoyable and relaxing. Thank you.
We know that. We really do. We've been told: "Time flies."
"Before you know it you're old and gray."
"I used to be young once. Then I woke up old."
We're reminded over and over - babies who don't wake up from a nap, a car accident on a bright, summer day, an earthquake no one knew was coming.
Life is fleeting.
When asked what one would do when faced with the news that they only had a certain amount of time left, the majority of people answered, "I would tell the people I love just how much they mean to me."
This week's challenge sounds easy... but many of you will feel uncomfortable, awkward. You'll make an excuse, you'll be too busy now and promise to do it later. If that's the case, I really hope you actually do it later. Because life is way too short to keep compliments secret.
Take out a piece of paper... one for each person living in your home. Your wife, husband, child... and write their name on top. Then list TEN things you like, enjoy or admire about that person. Ten reasons why you really dig them as a person. Ten things you want them to know in case you don't get a chance to see them again. And when you're done, tape that list to the wall in the most visible place in your house. Take their hand and show them the paper, and read the words you've written.
My TEN THINGS I LOVE ABOUT YOU List to Matt
2.) I love your loud, brazen laughter when you're watching television all by yourself. Someone who laughs out loud unabashedly is downright tops in my book!
3.) I love the way you gag and choke and almost vomit every single time you change the baby's diaper... because you keep doing it. You don't use "ew, it's gross" as an excuse. You do what needs to get done and that's an awesome quality in a person. I know I can count on you.
4.) I love that you're always willing and excited to go with me to silly things like the theatre, or an office get-together, or to dinner with a couple you've never met before. You're a social person and you like people, and I like that. Because you would not be much fun to be around if you didn't like people.
5.) I love how you giggle and get goofy when you're extremely overtired. We've been exhausted for a while now and it's really refreshing that you manage to have fun with it. I admire your sense of humor when things get tough.
6.) I love how excited you are when you ref a game or play a pick-up game with your friends. You're physically active and have a passion for playing a sport - neither of which I do (at all). I respect that those activities are important to you and you won't let life get in the way of doing what you love. I am still so proud of you for organizing the Sunday Night Games.
7.) I love how you get out of bed fearless at three in the morning to find out what the dog is barking at. You are always ready to confront whatever is out there to protect me and our family and that means the world to me (even that time you came across strangers shining flashlights in our windows).
8.) I love how you tell me everything I cook is wonderful even though, clearly, it is not. You know how well positive reinforcement works on me... I'm still trying!
9.) I love how you worry more about the baby than I do. And that's saying a lot because everyone who knows me knows what a freak I am about child safety. You show me that you really take your child's health seriously. You are the strongest, loudest, most determined advocate for our son and I am so relieved I can lean on you for strength.
10.) I love your smile. Your easy going, life is so good, isn't this a great song on the radio even thought I don't know any of the words, smile. Just being around you, with you, near you - is always enjoyable and relaxing. Thank you.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Minus 10 Toxic Connections
Ah, the joys of modern technology! Facebook, MySpace, Twitter, Blogging - with the click of a button you're instantaneously invited to view the thoughts and snapshots of someone you know. Or someone you don't. Let's be honest, we've all written the "how do I know this person?" email to someone we actually did know in an attempt to jog a memory that would explain why someone we didn't know wants to be our friend.
There's a sense of anticipation when I sign on every morning: who's witty commentary will make me laugh? Who is having a worse day than me and needs my virtual hug? Who will have a tip or piece of advice that I didn't know I needed to hear? Who will need advice that I could possibly give? For the most part, I absolutely love my web-friends and inter-buddies. But then there are others.....
This week's challenge is to remove 10 toxic connections, be it from your cell phone, your email contact list, Facebook or MySpace account, or even your handwritten address book. (Do you really need your ex-boyfriend's step mother's mailing address? You haven't spoken to the woman in over twelve years.) Let go of some of these connections to make room for future, more meaningful connections.
There's a sense of anticipation when I sign on every morning: who's witty commentary will make me laugh? Who is having a worse day than me and needs my virtual hug? Who will have a tip or piece of advice that I didn't know I needed to hear? Who will need advice that I could possibly give? For the most part, I absolutely love my web-friends and inter-buddies. But then there are others.....
- The guy who constantly updates his status with comments about sex and bondage.
- The girl that cusses way more than me (and trust me when I say that is a lot).
- The girl who treated me like crap when we were kids and yet for some reason wanted to be my friend, even though it's been two years and she has yet to comment on anything on my page.
- The friend of a friend of a friend that I met boating one weekend in 2007.
- The ex-boyfriend and his perfectly perky little wife and super smart children in their private school uniforms standing in front of their lake front property. Did I mention they live in Tahoe?
- The kid that sat with you in study hall and now invites you to have pillow fights, mafia wars and to attend wizard school.
- The girl that whines and complains and is all "woe is me" except really you know she's just needy and demanding attention.
This week's challenge is to remove 10 toxic connections, be it from your cell phone, your email contact list, Facebook or MySpace account, or even your handwritten address book. (Do you really need your ex-boyfriend's step mother's mailing address? You haven't spoken to the woman in over twelve years.) Let go of some of these connections to make room for future, more meaningful connections.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Minus 10 I'm Too Busy For You Minutes
Remember when you first met? The butterflies you felt when he first put his hand on your lower back while ushering you through the door of the restaurant? The way you'd grab his hand in the car. In the store. On the couch. There was a time when you thought you'd never let go of his hand.
Remember when you first held your baby? Marveling at that little squished up face and teeny, tiny fingers. You never wanted to share. There was a time when you swore you'd never put that baby down. Ever.
And now? When was the last time you held hands in the car? Lay on his lap while watching a movie? When was the last time you held your baby (who is not so much of a baby anymore)? Marveled at how beautifully and wonderfully she is made?
Your challenge this week is to set the timer for 10 minutes each night and hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle, touch - someone you love. Tonight it can be your spouse. Tomorrow your eight-year old. The point is to focus for ten full minutes on TOUCHING THEM. Walk arm in arm. Watch SpongeBob with your arm around your son's shoulder. Reconnect with the people you care about.
If you're one of those couples that readily holds hands and hugs, don't be afraid to turn it up a notch (or two). Instead of hopping out of the car right away, sit in the driveway and make out. (Giggle if you want, but you used to do that a lot! And you did it to show him you thought the world of him.)
If you already hug your child on a regular basis try changing it up a bit: offer to read their palms... trace their hand in yours. What do you see? Ignore the dirt under the fingernails and the sweat -- here's a chance to be funny: "I see you have difficulty placing dirty laundry in clothes baskets." or hopeful: "I see that you are full of potential and will be successful in whatever you put your heart into."
Studies show people thrive socially, academically and cognitively when they receive adequate amounts of nurturing touch in their daily lives. Without an appropriate amount of nurturing touch, people report feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and lack of confidence.
Each day this week, resolve to get rid of 10 I’m Too Busy For You Minutes and replace them with 10 You Mean Everything to Me Minutes. Even if you wouldn’t define yourself as the “touchy feely type,” find a few moments each evening to reconnect with your spouse and children through touch. (Make all the excuses you want, but I bet you were touchy-feely enough to make a child!)
What are you waiting for? The laundry will be there when you get back…
Remember when you first held your baby? Marveling at that little squished up face and teeny, tiny fingers. You never wanted to share. There was a time when you swore you'd never put that baby down. Ever.
And now? When was the last time you held hands in the car? Lay on his lap while watching a movie? When was the last time you held your baby (who is not so much of a baby anymore)? Marveled at how beautifully and wonderfully she is made?
Your challenge this week is to set the timer for 10 minutes each night and hold hands, hug, kiss, cuddle, touch - someone you love. Tonight it can be your spouse. Tomorrow your eight-year old. The point is to focus for ten full minutes on TOUCHING THEM. Walk arm in arm. Watch SpongeBob with your arm around your son's shoulder. Reconnect with the people you care about.
If you're one of those couples that readily holds hands and hugs, don't be afraid to turn it up a notch (or two). Instead of hopping out of the car right away, sit in the driveway and make out. (Giggle if you want, but you used to do that a lot! And you did it to show him you thought the world of him.)
If you already hug your child on a regular basis try changing it up a bit: offer to read their palms... trace their hand in yours. What do you see? Ignore the dirt under the fingernails and the sweat -- here's a chance to be funny: "I see you have difficulty placing dirty laundry in clothes baskets." or hopeful: "I see that you are full of potential and will be successful in whatever you put your heart into."
Studies show people thrive socially, academically and cognitively when they receive adequate amounts of nurturing touch in their daily lives. Without an appropriate amount of nurturing touch, people report feelings of inadequacy, self-doubt, and lack of confidence.
Each day this week, resolve to get rid of 10 I’m Too Busy For You Minutes and replace them with 10 You Mean Everything to Me Minutes. Even if you wouldn’t define yourself as the “touchy feely type,” find a few moments each evening to reconnect with your spouse and children through touch. (Make all the excuses you want, but I bet you were touchy-feely enough to make a child!)
What are you waiting for? The laundry will be there when you get back…
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